Posts tagged carry on.

Storytime with Nico.

Oh dear lord I almost just crashed my car. 

So there I was casually driving with all my windows down when something flew in and got caught between my ear and sunglasses, thinking ew I hate bugs, I flicked it away… But it landed on my lap. Turns out the bug was this massive wasp that I pissed off, it’s butt was twitching and ready to sting but it couldn’t reach my leg until it FELL DOWN MY CROTCH.

At this point I literally jumped out of my car. On doing so I realized I forgot to park it, so my car was slowly rolling away. I managed to chase down my car, swat the wasp off my seat and hit the brakes just in time.

The end.

I don’t know how people do all the buttons up… I can’t breathe

Oh hey remember that time I biked all the way into town to get ice cream and on the way back at the top of this hill there was a pack of nine huge turkey vultures by roadkill staring me down and fluffing up their feathers so I yelled and biked right through them as my life flashed before my eyes?

Oh wait that just happened. Fuck you blizzards for being so delicious.